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Religion Jokes
The New Priest
A new priest was beginning in the Church confessional. His predecessor had given him a list of sins and their punishments. The door opened and a man entered. "Forgive me Father for I have sinned," he began. "I have stolen." The priest looked up stealing on the list and told him to say one Hail Mary. The next time the door opened, a woman walked in. "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I had oral sex with the window cleaner." The priest looked up oral sex on the list but couldn't find it. He opened his door and called out to the cleaning lady, "What does Father John give for a blow job?" "$12.50 if I take me teeth out."
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Two Things To Worry About
There are only two things to worry about: Either you are well or you are sick.
If you are well, there is nothing to worry about; but if you are sick, there are two things to worry about: either you will get well, or you will die. If you get well, there is nothing to worry about; if you die, there are only two things to worry about: either you will go to heaven or to hell. If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about. But, if you go to hell you'll be so darned busy shaking hands with friends you won't have time to worry...
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Jonah and the Whale
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal their throat was very small. The little girl stated Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated a whale could not swallow a human it was impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
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