The Chinese Pay Off Their Debts

Jones: "The Chinese make it an invariable rule to settle all their debts on New Year's Day."
Smith: "So I understand, but, then again, the Chinese don't have a Christmas the week before!"

Make a Deal

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt." A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?" The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless.  At the same time he thinks this might be a good omen, so he says, "Okay," and sinks the putt. Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole." The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"  The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." He makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?" The golfer says, "Certainly!" He makes the eagle. As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says, "You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil, and from now on you will have no sex life." "Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "My name's... Father O'Malley!"

Adam Talks To God.

One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he says, "Excuse me GOD, can I ask you a few questions?" GOD replied, "Go on Adam but be quick I have a world to create." So Adam says, "When you created Eve, why did You make her body so curvy and tender unlike mine?" "I did that, Adam, so that you could love her." "Oh, well then, why did You give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?" "I did that Adam so that you could love her." "Oh, well then, why did You make her so stupid?  Certainly not so that I could love her?" "Well Adam, no. I did that so that she could love you"