A Catholic Litany

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of spectators gathers around. "A priest. somebody get me a priest!" the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd----no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. "A PRIEST, PLEASE!" the dying man says again. Then out of the crowd steps a little old Jewish man of at least eighty years of age. "Mr. Policeman,"  says the man, "I'm not a priest. I'm not even a Catholic.  But for fifty years now I'm living behind St. Elizabeth's Catholic Church on First Avenue, and every night I'm listening to the Catholic litany. Maybe I can be of some comfort to this man." The policeman agreed and brought the octogenarian over to where the dying man lay. He kneels down, leans over the injured and says in a solemn voice :"Under the B, 4. Under the I, 19. Under the N, 38.Under the G, 54. Under the O, 72. . ."

Priest, Rabbi and Little Boy

A priest and a rabbi walk through the woods and come upon a little boy. The rabbi says, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" The priest says, "Screw him." The rabbi says, "Yes, but outta what?"

Soldiers in Heaven

Little Willie asked his mother: "Mamma, don't soldiers ever go to heaven?"
"Of course they do!" protested his mother. "What makes you ask?"
"There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards."
"Oh, that's because most men who go to Heaven get there by a close shave."