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Religion Jokes
Biblical One-liners
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married? A. Ruthless
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible? A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents? A. Joshua, son of Nun.
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Heaven and Smoking
Q: Does the Bible say that if you smoke you can't get to heaven?
A: No, but the more you smoke the quicker you'll get there.
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Dominated Spouses
Standing at the pearly gates of heaven, Albert noticed a sign pointing to two paths. One was marked "Women" and the other marked "Men". He took the path assigned to men and then came upon two more gates. The right-hand gate had a sign that read "Men Who Were Dominated By Their Spouses"; the other gate read "Men Who Bossed And Dominated Their Spouses". The first gate had an endless line of guys waiting, but only one little guy stood before the male domination gate. Albert was undecided, so he walked up to the little guy standing all alone and asked, "Why are you standing at this gate, a little punk like you?" The smallish fellow replied, "I haven't a clue. My wife told me to stand here."
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