Moving Out

My missus packed my bags and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"  "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!”

Hamster Skin

Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week.  Took her to the fair last night, and it took me three hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

Eternal Talking

His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan. "Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. "She spoke without interruption for about forty years," said the Irishman.