Gift for Valentine's Day

A couple had been looking at new cars for months. He wanted a simple truck and she wanted a fast little sports car so she could zoom through traffic and look like a princess. He would have settled for almost any old truck, but everything she wanted was way out of price range. "Look!" she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 220 in 5 seconds or less. Valentine's Day is coming up and you should surprise me with something really really great this year!" Soon Valentines Day arrived and she un-wrapped her brand new bathroom scale.

A Farmer and His Wife

A farmer and his wife were laying in bed one night. The farmer feeling a little frisky, reaches over and gives his wife's breast a little feel and says, "Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the cow." His hand then travels down to her crotch, and he says, "Mother, if this could give eggs, we could get rid of the chickens." His wife then reaches over and grabs his penis. "Father, if this could stay hard, we could get rid of your brother.

The Phone Conversation with Mother

A man answers the phone, and starts "Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Gladys has been most difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard."  "Well, you know how she is."  "Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that she was a vile creature who would make my life miserable and you begged me not to marry her! You were perfectly right."  "You want to speak with her? All right." He looks up from the telephone and calls to his wife in the next room, "Gladys, your mother wants to talk to you!"