Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
A: Sexual harassment.
Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
A: $3.99 a minute.
A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!" The Madam is astonished.
"But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies,
"Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'm homesick."
Shades of Grey
My wife said she wanted to see 50 shades of grey.
So I took a photo of her hair.
Mirror Mirror on the Wall
My wife was standing nude in front of the mirror. She wasn't happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel terrible; I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
I replied, "Your eyesight is damn near perfect."
A Canadian, a Scotsman, and an Australian are in a bar discussing the mental abilities of their wives. The Canadian says, "You know my wife must be the most stupid woman in the world. She went to a supermarket sale and bought $900 worth of meat, and we don't even have a freezer! The Scotsman says, "That's nothing! My wife went out last week and bought a brand new $30,000 car, and she can't even drive! Not to be out done, the Aussie says, "My wife is a lot dumber than that! Last week she left for a two week holiday in Paris and I saw her pack 20 condoms! Hell, she doesn't even have a penis!"