Wife and Best Friend

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. The barman gives it to him and he gulps in down in one swoop. "Hey buddy, you must be having it rough. Whats up with you?" says the bartender. "Well, I got home early from work last night and found my wife and my best friend in bed with each other!" "That's terrible pal, the next drink is on the house." So the bartender gives him another tripple scotch and again he gulps it down. "If you don't mind me asking, what did you say to your wife?" "I told her I've had enough and I want a divorce!" "Good for you! You said the right thing.  So what did you say to your best friend?" "Well, I walked up to him, looked him straight in the eyes and said ... BAD DOG!"

Widow

Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A Widow.

My Call

A doctor rushed out of his study room. "Get me my bag!" he shouted. "Why, what's the matter?" inquired his pretty young wife. "Some fellow just phoned and said he can't live without me," he gasped as he reached for his hat. The young wife sighed. "Just a moment," she said gently. "I think that call was for me."