Twisted

My best friend ran away with my wife.... 
I miss him.

Bartender Payback

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, sir. That'll be 1 cent."
"One cent?! That's awesome!" exclaimed the guy. He glances over the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with the works?"
"Certainly, sir. That'll be four cents," replies the bartender.
"Four cents!?" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
"What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies... "Same as I'm doing to his business."

Uh-Oh!!

The husband finally wised up to the fact that his wife was less than faithful. He hired a private investigator to follow her and in less than a week, had all the information that he needed on the "other man".
The husband convinced himself that his would still be in a loving and trustworthy marriage had not this S.O.B. come onto the scene. Being a man of the 90's and all, he decided to handle the matter in what he judged to be sophisticated and business-likemanner.
He sent the following e-mail to his wife's lover: Sir, It has been brought to my attention that for some time now you have been carrying on an affair with my wife. So that we may settle this matter in an intelligent fashion, please be at my office at 3 PM on Friday next.
The "other man" was highly amused by the husband's formal manner and sent off the following reply at once: Dear Sir, I have received a copy of your mass mailing this morning. You may be advised that I will attend the scheduled conference in your Office's auditorium.