The Train

A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.
Just after she lies down on the bed an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Moments later another train shakes the room so violently, she's again pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk and asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. "Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife.
Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here?
The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

Bill and Jesse

Bill Clinton and Jesse Jackson are taking a post-workout shower. Bill looks down and says, ''Jesse, how'd you get that huge pecker?!'' Jesse replies, ''All I do is whack it four times on the bedpost everynight.'' So, Bill sneaks upstairs and whacks his four time in the bedpost, whereupon Hillary wakes up and says, ''Is that you, Jesse?'''

Shagging

My buddy said to me yesterday, "If I shagged your wife, would that make us related?" I said, "No man, that would just make us even."