Time Check

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves.
A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around at the shop full of customers and says, "About three hours." The guy leaves.
A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey. Bill, follow that guy and see what he does. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then doesn't come back."
A little while later. Bill comes back into the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, what did he do when he left here?" Bill looks up, tears in his eyes and says, "Your wife!"

Bad News...

A man has to leave the country on business and he entrusts with his best friend the job of keeping an eye on his wife. If anything out of the ordinary should occur, he was to be notified immediately. After about a week of no news the business man received a telegram: "The man who comes to visit your wife every night didn't show up yesterday."

Laying Down the Rules

A typical macho man married a typical good looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table, unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night, whether you're here or not!"