As an easy way to save money, a young couple decided that every time they have sex the husband would put his pocket change into a piggy bank on the nightstand. On Valentine's night, he was unusually athletic and accidentally knocked the piggy bank off the table and it broke into pieces on the floor.
To his surprise, among the masses of coins, there are handfuls of five and ten and even twenty dollar bills. He asks his wife "What's up with all the paper money?", to his wife which replied, "Well, not everyone is as cheap as you are."
Wife #1: Hey, Lynn, tell me this. How did you get your husband from staying out late?
Wife #2: Well, every time he would come home I would simply say, 'Mike, is that you?'
Wife #1: I still don't understand. How did that keep him from staying out?
Wife #2: My husband's name is Andrew.
A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.
Just after she lies down on the bed an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed. Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Moments later another train shakes the room so violently, she's again pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk and asks for the manager. The manager says he'll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true. "Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife.
Just then the husband walks in. "What," he says, "are you doing here?
The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"
My buddy said to me yesterday, "If I shagged your wife, would that make us related?" I said, "No man, that would just make us even."
A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blonde guy turns to the girl and angrily says "Alright. Who's the other father!"