Paradox of Woman
- If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman. If you don't, you are not a man.
- If you praise her, she thinks you are lying. If you don't, you are good for nothing.
- If you agree to all her likes, she is abused. If you don't, you are not understanding.
- If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man'. If you don't, you are half a man.
- If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring. If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing.
- If you are well-dressed, she says you are a playboy. If you aren't, you are a dull boy.
- If you are jealous, she says it's bad. If you aren't, she thinks you do not love her.
- If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her. If you don't, she thinks you do not like her.
- If you are a minute late, she complains it is hard to wait. If she is late, she says that's a girl's way.
- If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel. If she is visited by another, 'oh it's natural, we are girls'.
- If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold. If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage.
- If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics. If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics.
- If you stare at others, she accuses you of flirting. If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring.
- If you talk, she wants you to listen. If you listen, she wants you to talk.
Bill Clinton & Hillary
Bill and Hillary Clinton were traveling in a car. They stopped at a filling station. They saw Hillary's young lover there. Bill said to Hillary, "If you were still with him, you'd be the wife of a filling station owner." Hillary said "NO! Then he would be the president of United States."
I thought getting a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant.
But all it did was change the color of the baby.
A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks "What for?" She says, "I want to kill my husband." He says "Sorry, I can't do that." She then reaches into her handbag a pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him. He says, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription..."
A 12-year-old boy walks up to his Polish neighbor and says, "I was looking in your bedroom window last night and I saw you and your wife naked!" The guy answers, "The joke's on you, Johnny...I wasn't even home last night!"