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The best jokes and joke writers!

Paradox of Woman

  • If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman. If you don't, you are not a man.
  • If you praise her, she thinks you are lying. If you don't, you are good for nothing.
  • If you agree to all her likes, she is abused. If you don't, you are not understanding.
  • If you make romance, you are an 'experienced man'. If you don't, you are half a man.
  • If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring. If you don't, she accuses you of double crossing.
  • If you are well-dressed, she says you are a playboy. If you aren't, you are a dull boy.
  • If you are jealous, she says it's bad. If you aren't, she thinks you do not love her.
  • If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her. If you don't, she thinks you do not like her.
  • If you are a minute late, she complains it is hard to wait. If she is late, she says that's a girl's way.
  • If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel. If she is visited by another, 'oh it's natural, we are girls'.
  • If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold. If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage.
  • If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics. If you do, she thinks it's just one of the man's tactics.
  • If you stare at others, she accuses you of flirting. If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring.
  • If you talk, she wants you to listen. If you listen, she wants you to talk.

Bill Clinton & Hillary

Bill and Hillary Clinton were traveling in a car. They stopped at a filling station. They saw Hillary's young lover there. Bill said to Hillary, "If you were still with him, you'd be the wife of a filling station owner." Hillary said "NO! Then he would be the president of United States."

Vasectomy

I thought getting a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant.

But all it did was change the color of the baby.

Prescription

A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. He asks "What for?" She says, "I want to kill my husband." He says "Sorry, I can't do that." She then reaches into her handbag a pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife and hands it to him. He says, "You didn't tell me you had a prescription..."

Nosy Neighbor

A 12-year-old boy walks up to his Polish neighbor and says, "I was looking in your bedroom window last night and I saw you and your wife naked!" The guy answers, "The joke's on you, Johnny...I wasn't even home last night!"