Bad Date Rescue

Ken sets up his friend Mike on a blind date with a young lady-friend of his. But Mike is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's really unattractive?" says Mike. "I'll be stuck with her all night."
"Don't worry," Ken says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. But just in case you need to escape, there's a 'Bad Date Rescue App' you can install on your smartphone. Schedule your phone to ring just after you meet her and answer with, 'Mom, what's the matter, are you okay?"  It works every time.
So that night, Mike knocks on the girl's door and when she comes out he is awestruck at how attractive and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl's phone rings and she answers with, "Mom, what's the matter, are you okay?"

Spooky Love

There is an old colonial cemetery where the grave markers are flat.  A man and woman sneak in there one night after a Halloween party to make love.  The next day the woman is complaining of a terrible back ache, so she goes to see her doctor.  The doctor asks her to put on a gown and examines her back but finds nothing wrong.  He asks her how old she is, and she says 28.  The doctor says that's interesting because it says on your ass that you died in 1784.

Blind Date

A girl goes on a blind date. The blind date hadn't been all that great, and she was relieved the evening was finally over. At her apartment door, her date suddenly said, "Hey! You wanna see my underwear?" Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn't wearing any underwear. She glanced down and said, "Nice design - does it also come in men's sizes?"