Wife's Birthday

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Proper Manners in Bed

The nervous young bride became irritated by her husband's lusty advances on their wedding night and reprimanded him severely.  "I demand proper manners in bed," she declared, "just as I do at the dinner table!"
Amused by his wife's formality, the groom smoothed his rumpled hair and climbed quietly between the sheets. "Is that better?" he asked, with a hint of a smile.
"Yes," replied the girl, "much better."
"Very good, darling," the husband whispered.  "Now would you be so kind as to please pass the pussy!"

Alphabet Love

Wife asks, "How would you describe me?" Husband answers, "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife responds, "What does that mean?" Husband says, "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife replies, "Awe, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband says, "I'm just kidding!"