The guide to women

A man's guide to what a woman is really saying:

• I just need some space. - Without you in it.
• Do I look fat in this dress? - We haven't had a fight in a while.
• No, pizza's fine. - You cheap slob
• I just don't want a boyfriend right now. - I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.
• I don't know, what do you want to do? - I can't believe you have nothing planned.
• Come here! - My puppy does this too.
• I like you but... - I don't like you.
• You never listen. - You never listen.
• I'll be ready in a minute. - I'm ready but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will.
• Oh, no, I'll pay for it myself. - I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch.
• Oh, yes!!! Right there!!! - Well, near there; I just want to get this over with.
• I'm going out with the girls. - We're gonna make fun of you and your friends.

Redneck Girlfriend

You might be a redneck when you say ho-down and your girlfriend hits the ground.

Shower Talk

A man and his wife shower together. The husband puts his hand on her breast and says, "These are nice, but if they were a bit firmer you could walk around without a bra for me." Then the husband pats her butt and says, "This is nice, but if it was a bit firmer, you could walk around without panties for me." The wife turns around to her husband, grabs his groin and says, "This is nice, but if it was a little bigger, I wouldn't need your brother."