Wedding Announcement

An unmarried girl who worked in a busy office arrived one morning and began passing out big cigars and candy, both tied with blue ribbons. When asked what the occasion was, she proudly displayed a new diamond solitaire ring on her third finger, left hand, and announced..."It's a boy, six feet tall and 190 pounds!"

The Funeral

One fall day, Dave was out raking leaves when he noticed a hearse going down the street, followed by another hearse, followed by a man walking solemnly along, followed by a dog, and then about 200 men walking in single file.
Intrigued, Dave went up to the man following the second hearse and asked who was in the first one. "My wife," the man replied. "I'm sorry," said Dave. "What happened to her?" "My dog bit her and she died." Dave was taken aback. "And who's in the second hearse?" "My mother-in-law. My dog bit her too and she died as well."
Dave asked, "Can I borrow your dog?"
"Get in line."

A Happy Bride

To the bride: To be happy in your marriage, you should approach each day as if it were the first day of your honeymoon and the last day of your period.