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The best jokes and joke writers!

Cajun Virgin

In the middle of his honeymoon, the young hillbilly bridegroom left his bride back at the hotel and shows up at his parents house completely distraught. His father asks him, "Son, why you not with you bride on you honeymoon?".  The boy replies, "Daddy I was jus' gettin ready to love my bride when she tell me she want me to know she a virgin. So I come to ask what do I do?".  The father says, "Boy don' be tellin me you don' know what do wid a womin, specially a virgin."  The boy says, "Daddy, course I knows what to do wid a woman, but dis be ma wife."  The father replies, "So what difference dis make?" To which the son says, "Well daddy, I jus got to figure if she ain't good nuff for her own family she shore ain't good enough for ours!"

An Arkansas Divorce

The Arkansas lad was obviously deeply troubled.  "Why so glum, Chum?", asked the kindly stranger.  "If my parents get divorced...will they still be brother and sister?"

You're a Hillbilly If...

  • Any of your neighbors has ever spent Halloween night at the bottom of a hole because you moved their outhouse back about four feet.
  • You've ever lost a dog to a bush hog.
  • You've ever been arrested for a DUI on a riding lawn mower.
  • You keep your teeth and your goldfish in the same glass.
  • On average, one out of every thirty words you use can be found in a dictionary.
  • You think Motorola is a fancy name for a car part.
  • You give your girlfriend long-thorned roses hoping she won't ask for them again.
  • You borrow your wedding flowers from Wal-Mart.

How Deep is it?

There were these two hillbillies out hiking when they came upon an old, abandoned mine shaft. Curious about its depth they threw in a pebble and waited for the sound of it striking the bottom, but they heard nothing. They went and got a bigger rock, threw it in and waited. Still nothing. They searched the area for something larger and came upon an old anvil. With great difficulty, the two men carried it to the opening and threw it in. While waiting for it to hit bottom, a goat suddenly darted between them and leaped into the hole! The guys were still standing there with astonished looks upon their faces when a man walked up to them. He asked them if they had seen a goat and they said that one had just jumped into the mine shaft in front of them! The man replied, "Oh no. That couldn't be my goat, mine was tied to an old anvil."

How to Speak Southern

How to talk native SOUTHERN in one easy lesson

  • Aig - What a hen lays
  • Aints - He's got aints in his paints
  • Paints - What cha put on your laigs of a mornin
  • Arn - Ma's tard of arnin
  • Bag - He bagged her to marry him
  • Bobbed - A bobbed wire fence
  • Bresh - He had a bresh with the law, and the law won.
  • Bub - the light bub burned out
  • Cheer - What you set in
  • Crick - A small stream
  • Clum - He sure clum that tree fastern any 'coon
  • Chiny - country over in Asia
  • Chuch duds - Sunday go-to-meetin clothes
  • Core - He got hisself a new Ford core
  • Cyow - Animal on Farm
  • Deppity - He helps out the shurf
  • Dribbed - He dribbed milk on his shirt
  • Dainz - Satidy night social
  • Ellum - A graceful tree
  • Fanger - What you put your rang on
  • Faince - Whats round the hawg lot
  • Far - What get the brandin arn hot
  • Furred - He got furred from his job
  • Flar - A rose is a purdy flar
  • Frash - Them aigs ain't frash
  • Furiners - All non-'bamans
  • Further - Hits ten miles further to town
  • Grain - She was grain with envy
  • Hail - Where bad folks go
  • Hep - Poor George, he can't hep it, he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.
  • Hern - It aint hern, it's his'n
  • Hilbilly - People in the next county
  • Hollar - Whats between the hills
  • Hardhand - Got a brend new hardhand
  • Tar - His core blew a tar
  • Laymun - A sour fruit
  • Laig - Most folks have two of them
  • Lather - What you climb up
  • Liberry - Where you go to check out books for larnin
  • Mailk - what you get from cyows
  • Mere - What you see your self in
  • Minners - Live bait
  • Misrus - Married Woman
  • Nar - Opposite of wide
  • Nayk - Your head sets on it
  • Nup - No
  • Orrel - Them hinges need orrel
  • Ormy - What the sojers go in
  • Pank - A light red color
  • Parch - Sit out on the parch and watch the grass grow
  • Petition - What separate the rooms
  • Poke - A paper bag or sack
  • Pokey - What the shurf and deppity puts crimnals in Poke
  • Salit - A green vegetable
  • Puppet - What the preacher is in
  • Purdy - She is purdy as a pitcher
  • Purt near - Almost; he purt near caught that greased pig
  • Rang - You wear it on your fanger
  • Rut - That there tree sure has long ruts
  • Rah cheer - I was born rah cheer in town
  • Rainch - A big cow farm
  • Rat - Do it rat now!
  • Rench - Rench the soap yourself
  • Roont - She plum roont her shoes
  • Salary - A stringy vegetable
  • Soardeens - Small canned fish
  • Shar - A light rain
  • Gully Worsher - A medium heavy rain
  • Toad strangler - A heavy rain
  • Sody Pop - A soft drink
  • Sprang - Water out'n the ground
  • Shurf - The Shurf put Clem in jail
  • Storch - This here aprn has to much storch in it
  • Skeered - that plumb skeered me to death
  • Thanks - He shore thanks he's smart
  • Tho - Tho me the ball
  • Thoat - I shore got a sore thoat
  • War - A bobbed war fance
  • Worsh - Go worsh your face
  • Warter - What you worsh your face in
  • Yurp - A continent overseas