We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

How to Speak Southern

How to talk native SOUTHERN in one easy lesson

  • Aig - What a hen lays
  • Aints - He's got aints in his paints
  • Paints - What cha put on your laigs of a mornin
  • Arn - Ma's tard of arnin
  • Bag - He bagged her to marry him
  • Bobbed - A bobbed wire fence
  • Bresh - He had a bresh with the law, and the law won.
  • Bub - the light bub burned out
  • Cheer - What you set in
  • Crick - A small stream
  • Clum - He sure clum that tree fastern any 'coon
  • Chiny - country over in Asia
  • Chuch duds - Sunday go-to-meetin clothes
  • Core - He got hisself a new Ford core
  • Cyow - Animal on Farm
  • Deppity - He helps out the shurf
  • Dribbed - He dribbed milk on his shirt
  • Dainz - Satidy night social
  • Ellum - A graceful tree
  • Fanger - What you put your rang on
  • Faince - Whats round the hawg lot
  • Far - What get the brandin arn hot
  • Furred - He got furred from his job
  • Flar - A rose is a purdy flar
  • Frash - Them aigs ain't frash
  • Furiners - All non-'bamans
  • Further - Hits ten miles further to town
  • Grain - She was grain with envy
  • Hail - Where bad folks go
  • Hep - Poor George, he can't hep it, he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.
  • Hern - It aint hern, it's his'n
  • Hilbilly - People in the next county
  • Hollar - Whats between the hills
  • Hardhand - Got a brend new hardhand
  • Tar - His core blew a tar
  • Laymun - A sour fruit
  • Laig - Most folks have two of them
  • Lather - What you climb up
  • Liberry - Where you go to check out books for larnin
  • Mailk - what you get from cyows
  • Mere - What you see your self in
  • Minners - Live bait
  • Misrus - Married Woman
  • Nar - Opposite of wide
  • Nayk - Your head sets on it
  • Nup - No
  • Orrel - Them hinges need orrel
  • Ormy - What the sojers go in
  • Pank - A light red color
  • Parch - Sit out on the parch and watch the grass grow
  • Petition - What separate the rooms
  • Poke - A paper bag or sack
  • Pokey - What the shurf and deppity puts crimnals in Poke
  • Salit - A green vegetable
  • Puppet - What the preacher is in
  • Purdy - She is purdy as a pitcher
  • Purt near - Almost; he purt near caught that greased pig
  • Rang - You wear it on your fanger
  • Rut - That there tree sure has long ruts
  • Rah cheer - I was born rah cheer in town
  • Rainch - A big cow farm
  • Rat - Do it rat now!
  • Rench - Rench the soap yourself
  • Roont - She plum roont her shoes
  • Salary - A stringy vegetable
  • Soardeens - Small canned fish
  • Shar - A light rain
  • Gully Worsher - A medium heavy rain
  • Toad strangler - A heavy rain
  • Sody Pop - A soft drink
  • Sprang - Water out'n the ground
  • Shurf - The Shurf put Clem in jail
  • Storch - This here aprn has to much storch in it
  • Skeered - that plumb skeered me to death
  • Thanks - He shore thanks he's smart
  • Tho - Tho me the ball
  • Thoat - I shore got a sore thoat
  • War - A bobbed war fance
  • Worsh - Go worsh your face
  • Warter - What you worsh your face in
  • Yurp - A continent overseas

Sho Is a Wonder

One day Rastus and Liza Jane were sitting at the bus stop when Rastus ups and asks, "Liza Jane can I's look up your dress before the bus gets here?" Liza Jane was startled and said, "No Rastus you cain't!" Well Rastus persisted and persisted till finally Liza Jane said, "Alright if'n it will shut you up you can." So Rastus looks up her dress and sees that she has no panties on to which he exclaims, "Sho is a wonder!" Well the bus shows up and they gets on. Next day, Rastus and Liza Jane are sitting there again when Rastus ups and asks her, "Liza Jane, can I look up your dress again?" Well Liza Jane at first refused, but as the day before she then gave in. So Rastus looks up there and seeing no panties he exclaims, again, "Sho is a wonder!" Well this goes on for a few days when on the last day that Liza Jane would permit Rastus to look up her dress she tells him, "Rastus you can look up my dress but you have to tell me one thing?" Rastus replies, "What's that?" "Every time you look up my dress you says, "Sho is a wonder.  Sho is a wonder what?" To which Rastus replies, "Sho is a wonder your guts don't fall out!!"

Country Tunes

  • Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
  • Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
  • Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
  • How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
  • I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life!
  • Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling!
  • Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
  • I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
  • I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
  • I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
  • If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
  • My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
  • Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
  • She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart

Cajun Virgin

In the middle of his honeymoon, the young hillbilly bridegroom left his bride back at the hotel and shows up at his parents house completely distraught. His father asks him, "Son, why you not with you bride on you honeymoon?".  The boy replies, "Daddy I was jus' gettin ready to love my bride when she tell me she want me to know she a virgin. So I come to ask what do I do?".  The father says, "Boy don' be tellin me you don' know what do wid a womin, specially a virgin."  The boy says, "Daddy, course I knows what to do wid a woman, but dis be ma wife."  The father replies, "So what difference dis make?" To which the son says, "Well daddy, I jus got to figure if she ain't good nuff for her own family she shore ain't good enough for ours!"

Redneck Driving

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey there up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!" "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?", asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."