You Might Be a Redneck If... 18

You might be a redneck if...

• Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them.
• Your grandfather completely executes the "pull my finger" trick at the family reunion.
• When you leave your house, you are followed by federal agents of the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms, and the only thing you worry about is if you can lose them or not.
• You have a house that's mobile and five cars that aren't.
• You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end."
• Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.
• You have a Hefty bag for a convertible top.
• Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
• You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.
• You have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial. 

You Might Be A Redneck - Continued

You might be a reneck if...

• You watch "The Dukes Of Hazzard" and have to find someone to explain it to you.
• Your mom kisses you goodnight and you go to school the next day telling everyone you've met your future wife.
• When your wife walks in front of you it looks like two pigs fighting in a gunny sack.
• Your only excuse for smelling bad is it runs in the family.
• Your favorite fruit is chicken.
• You think those yellow traffic signs that say "Slow children at play" means the kids in the area are not too bright.
• At least one of the kitchen appliances on your front porch is more than forty years old.
• You think "Country & Western" covers both types of music.
• You've ever used a hangnail as a tooth pick.

You Might Be A Redneck If - Continued

You might be a redneck if...

• You have to check your coke can before you take a drink just in case you have mistaken it for your spit can.
• You have accidentally taken a drink from your spit can.
• Your wife asks you what you want to be when you grow up.
• You see a forest fire and think 'Bar-B-Q'.
• You've ever strained your tea through a flyswatter.
• Your mother is hairier than your father.
• Instead of flossing you use a plunger.
• You take the back window out of your pickup because it's easier to chuck the empty beer cans in the back that way. When the back fills up with empty beer cans, you get another pickup and start all over again.
• Your grandma can bench press a truck axle.