An Arkansas Divorce
The Arkansas lad was obviously deeply troubled. "Why so glum, Chum?", asked the kindly stranger. "If my parents get divorced...will they still be brother and sister?"
Redneck GI's in India..
Two mountain bred GIs were wandering the streets of Calcutta when an old woman walked by. "Hey, Billy Joe," one said, "I think that's Mother Teresa." "Your nuts." "I'm telling you." They approached the woman and one asked, "Are you Mother Teresa?" The old lady eyed them scornfully. "Fuck off, you goddamn perverts," she hissed, striding off. "Jeez," Billy Joe said, watching her disappear into the crowd, "now we'll never know."
Redneck One Liners
You might be a redneck if...
- Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.
- You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
- You're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You".
- You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.
- Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center.
- The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (your insurance man is a redneck too if he pays you for it).
- You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
- You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
- You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
- Your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.
Might be a Redneck
You might be a redneck if. . .
- You think harass is two words.
- You consider fast food hitting a deer at 65 MPH.
- Every day someone comes to your house mistakengly thinking you're having a yard sale.
- Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
- You have more dogs than the local shelter.
- You consistently receive credit card offers with a limit of $1.25.
- Your postman puts rubber gloves on when the red flag is up on your mailbox.
Redneck: Fingers and Teeth
You're a redneck if...-You have more fingers than you do teeth