Q: How can you determine that a death certificate was filled by a redneck doctor?
A: He signs "His" name under "cause of death!"
In the middle of his honeymoon, the young hillbilly bridegroom left his bride back at the hotel and shows up at his parents house completely distraught. His father asks him, "Son, why you not with you bride on you honeymoon?". The boy replies, "Daddy I was jus' gettin ready to love my bride when she tell me she want me to know she a virgin. So I come to ask what do I do?". The father says, "Boy don' be tellin me you don' know what do wid a womin, specially a virgin." The boy says, "Daddy, course I knows what to do wid a woman, but dis be ma wife." The father replies, "So what difference dis make?" To which the son says, "Well daddy, I jus got to figure if she ain't good nuff for her own family she shore ain't good enough for ours!"
Redneck Sex Lesson
Ma and Pa are sitting out on the front porch one day. "You know what? Junior's 21. It's time we taught him about sex. Junior, get out here!" Junior runs out. "Junior, I think it's time to teach you about sex." "Sex," says Junior. "What's sex?" "Well," Pa says. "Take off your clothes, Ma." So Ma takes off her clothes. "You see that hole in Ma? Watch this." Pa starts doing it right there on the porch. A little while goes by and Junior's younger brother, Bubba comes out on the porch and asks what's going on. "Ma and Pa are teaching me about sex." "Sex? What's sex?" "See that hole in Pa? Watch this!"
Smokey And The Bandit
You know you're a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
What Did the Redneck Get on His I.Q. Test?
Q: What did the redneck get on his I.Q. test?