Bill Clinton In Hell
Bill Clinton dies and goes to hell. Satan is giving him a VIP tour, showing him his options for spending eternity. They come to a room marked "Hitler." Inside is Eva Braun, torturing Adolf Hitler with red-hot irons. Every time Hitler tries to escape, Eva applies another iron. "I can't spend eternity like that," says Clinton. "Show me something else." Satan takes him to another room marked "Jack the Ripper." Inside are three mutilated prostitutes, stretching Jack on the rack. Every time Jack screams, the whores turn the wheel a little more. "I can't spend eternity like that, either," says Clinton. "Show me something better." Satan takes Bill to the last door. Inside, Kenneth Starr is being held up to the wall with chains around his wrists. At his groin is Monica Lewinsky giving him oral sex. Bill smiles. "Yes!" he shouts, "that's for me." Satan smirks and says "Good choice, Mr. President." He looks down at Monica and says... "You can get up now, Honey. We've finally found your replacement!"
Q: Did you hear what President Clinton had to say about the Abortion Bill?
A: Ah, thought ah paid it!
Biden's First Task
After winning the election, President Joe Biden is told he needs to assemble a cabinet.
On his way back from IKEA, he realizes he's greatly misunderstood the task.
According to ancient Hawaiian tradition, Madame Pele is the Goddess of volcanoes. Legend has it that the quickest way to stop the eruptions on Mt. Kilauea is to make a human sacrifice into her fires. The legend also demands that the chosen individual is a celebrated male leader who was born in Hawaii and held a position of power for eight years.
Obama quickly announced he was actually born in Kenya, and has the Birth Certificate to prove it.
Go Give Us a Donation
Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on. He said "It's Al Gore. He's up there threatening to set himself on fire! We are going car to car collecting donations."
"Donations!" I said,
"How much you got so far?" He said
"about ten gallons."