We're sorry, but it appears that you are using an anonymous proxy. To prevent fraudulent voting, we don't allow votes from anonymous proxies.

This contest requires users to be registered in order to vote.

You must be a registered user to submit a joke.  But registering is FREE and don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address, and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).

You must complete account validation before submitting jokes. Click here to go to your profile page to complete the process.

We’re sorry, but your browser settings indicate that you don’t want to be tracked.  You can either disable that setting or simply register for a FREE account, so we’ll know that you want us to track your preferences and feedback.  Don’t worry, we only need a name and e-mail address and we don’t sell or share your information with any third-parties (see Privacy Policy).


The best jokes and joke writers!

Hillary's Truck

I took a new Silverado out for a test drive. The sales lady seemed nice, mid 30's with a 'Hillary for President' button on her jacket. She sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its options. The entertainment system was voice operated and could 'read' your email and text messages to you. She explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and cool air to your butt in the summer heat. Feeling like messing with her, I mentioned that this must be a Republican truck.  Looking a bit angry, she asked why I thought it was a Republican truck? I explained that if it were Hillary's truck, the seats would blow smoke up your ass all year-round and it would have a built-in server so you could hide emails from your wife. I had to walk back to the dealership. Bitch had no sense of humor.

Dad's Will

A man was telling his buddy "You won't believe what happened last night.
 
My daughter walked into the living room and said, "Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters.  Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house.  Then, disown me and never talk to me again.  Don't forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose."
 
"Wow," replied the friend, "she actually said that?"
 
"Well, she didn't put it quite like that.  She actually said, 'Dad, meet my new boyfriend -- Mohammed.  We're going to work together on Biden's election campaign!'"
 

Physician's Opinion Of ObamaCare

Remember when Nancy Pelosi said: “We have to pass it, to find out what’s in it.”

A physician called into a radio show and said: "That's the definition of a stool sample."

That pretty well sums it up!

Hillary's Tough Questions

Hillary Clinton goes to a gifted-student primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand. Hillary asks him what his name is. "Kenneth," he says. "And what is your question, Kenneth?" she asks.

"I have three questions," he says.

"1st -- why didn't you send help to our people in Benghazi?

2nd -- why did you risk our national security by using a non-protected consumer grade email account? Were you hiding something?

3rd -- With your poor health history of fainting & blacking out, how could you possibly handle stressful situations in hot crowded rooms as President?

Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"

A different boy -- little Johnny -- puts his hand up.

Hillary points to him and asks, "And what is your question?

"I have five questions," he says.

"1st -- why didn't you send help to our people in Benghazi?

2nd -- why did you risk our national security by using a non-protected consumer grade email account? Were you hiding something?

3rd -- With your poor health history of fainting & blacking out, how could you possibly handle stressful situations in hot crowded rooms as President?

4th -- why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?"

And 5th -- where's Kenneth?"

Beltway Crawl

A man on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving." He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?" The Officer replies, "President Biden was just implicated in another scandal with his son Hunter and he's all depressed. He stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him". "Oh really? How much have you collected so far?" "I've got a lot of folks still siphoning, but right now I have about three hundred gallons."