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The best jokes and joke writers!

Obama Time

Michelle Obama dies and goes to heaven, and she's in the waiting room to see Jesus.

There are clocks everywhere, not a single square inch of wall or ceiling doesn't have a timepiece. Some of them don't seem to be moving. St. Peter comes out and calls her name.

"I'm here" she says. "What's with all the clocks?".

St. Peter says "Everyone who has ever lived has a clock here. Every time they tell a lie, their clock moves forward by one minute. This is George Washington's clock. As you can see, it's one past midnight, so he only told one lie."

"Oh" Michelle said. "Where's my husband's clock?"

"That's in Jesus' office" St. Peter replies. "He uses that as a fan".

Funny Thought - Obama Moving into White House

Well, I was just thinking about all the possible things that could make Obama comfortable in the White House.

  1. Putting graffiti on the walls of the White House that says, "Cheney was here!"
  2. Changing the president's theme from "Hail to the Chief," to the Jeffersons' show's theme song, "We're moving on up."

Clinton Surprise

Hillary Clinton goes in for her annual gynecological exam. The doctor tells her she's pregnant. Hillary realizes this will eliminate her chance to run for president and storms out of the office to call Bill. "You got me pregnant! How could you be so careless?" After a moment of stunned silence, Bill says, "Who is this?"

No Sex Hillary

A recent article in the Washington Post reported that Hillary Clinton sued Walter Reed Hospital, saying that after her husband Bill had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied: "President Clinton was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct his eyesight!"

Bill Clinton Jogging

Bill Clinton started jogging near his home in Chappaqua, New York.  But on each run he happened to jog past a hooker standing on the same street corner, day after day. With some apprehension he would brace himself as he approached her for what was most certainly to follow.

"Fifty dollars!" she would cry out from the curb.

"No, Five dollars!" fired back Clinton.

This ritual between Bill and the hooker continued for days.  He'd run by and she'd yell, "Fifty dollars!"  And he'd yell back, "Five dollars!"

One day however, Hillary decided that she wanted to accompany her husband on his jog!  As the jogging couple neared the problematic street corner, Bill realized the "pro" would bark her $50 offer and Hillary would wonder what he'd really been doing on all his past outings. He realized he should have a darn good explanation for the former Secretary of State.  As they jogged into the turn that would take them past the corner, Bill became even more apprehensive than usual.  

Sure enough, there was the hooker!  Bill tried to avoid the prostitute's eyes as she watched the pair jog past.  

Then, from the sidewalk, the hooker yelled...“See what you get for five bucks!?"