Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold a real Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope...not these days...I'm only giving out 1 wish because of inflation. So...what'll be?" Bill didn't hesitate. He said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other." The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Are you crazy! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good but I'm not THAT good. I don't think it can be done. So make another wish." Bill thought for a minute and said, "You know, people really don't like my wife. They think she's a real witch and ugly as sin. I wish for her to be the most beautiful woman in the world and I want everybody to like her. That's what I want!" The Genie thought for a minute and said, "Hmmmmm. Lemme see that map again."
Meet the Parents
A young woman brought her new fiance home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother told the girl's father to find out about the young man. The father invited the fiance to his study for a talk.
"So, what are your plans?" the father asked the young man.
"I am a biblical scholar," he replied. "A biblical scholar, hmmm?" the father said. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in?"
"I will study," the young man replied, "and God will provide for us." "And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asked the father.
"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replied, "God will provide for us." "And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?"
"Don't worry, sir; God will provide," replied the fiance. The conversation proceeded like this . . . and each time the father questioned, the young idealist insisted that God would provide.
Later, the mother asked, "How did your talk go, honey?" The father answered, "He's a Democrat. He has no job, he has no plans, and he thinks I'm God."
Time for a Change
Here's another way to look at the Debt Ceiling:
Let's say, You come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup in your neighborhood and your home has sewage all the way up to your ceilings.
What do you think you should do? Raise the ceilings, or pump out the shit?
Your choice is coming Nov. 2016
The Oval Office
So, I recently took a tour of the White House, and on the tour our guide pointed out the new name to the "Oval Office", seems someone liked the name the "Oral Office" better!
Bill Clinton vs a Carpenter?
Q: What's the similarity between Bill Clinton and a carpenter?
A: One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabinet falls apart.