Kilauea Calm

According to ancient Hawaiian tradition, Madame Pele is the Goddess of volcanoes. Legend has it that the quickest way to stop the eruptions on Mt. Kilauea is to make a human sacrifice into her fires. The legend also demands that the chosen individual is a celebrated male leader who was born in Hawaii and held a position of power for eight years.
Obama quickly announced he was actually born in Kenya, and has the Birth Certificate to prove it.

Hillary's New Gig

Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve?
They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.

Bill's Death

Did You hear that Bill Clinton tried to kill himself? Yea he try to O.D. on Viagra and beat himself to death!