Proven Wrong

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. "I am the most beautiful person in the world," proclaimed Sleeping Beauty. "No, you're not," answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb. "I am the smallest person in the world," shouted Tom Thumb. "No, you're not," said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan. "I've had more lovers than any person in the world," announced Don Juan. "No, you haven't" replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty. Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he would meet with them one at a time. Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming "I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so." In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty: "I am the smallest person in the world, Merlin agrees." In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an hour, an hour and a half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, "Who the hell is Bill Clinton?"

The Prayer Of A Sweet Little Old Lady

In church a sweet elderly lady was overheard saying a prayer. It was so innocent and sincere that I just have to share it with you:
"Dear Lord, this has been a tough four to five years. You have taken my favorite actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite musician Michael Jackson, my favorite Blues singer Amy Winehouse, my favorite actress Elizabeth Taylor, my favorite singer Whitney Houston, and now my favorite author Tom Clancy. I just wanted you to know that my favorite politicians are Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Nancy Pelosi, Barbara Boxer, Diane Feinstein, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and Harry Reid.
Amen.”

Big mix-UP

One day, there was a plane that crashed. On it, was Bill Clinton and an extremely religious guy named Phil who's only wish was to meet the Virgin Mary.   Bill and Phil both died. Heaven and Hell got all mixed up that day, so the religious guy went to hell and Bill went to heaven, but only for about 20 minutes.  On their way back, they bumped into each other and Phil said, "Oh, my ONLY hope in the world is to see the Virgin Mary".  Bill Clinton replied,  "Sorry buddy, you're 15 minutes late!"