Who's In Charge?

Try to imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:

• 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
• 7 have been arrested for fraud
• 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
• 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
• 3 have done time for assault
• 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
• 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
• 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
• 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
• 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can you guess which organization this is? It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

Marion Barry Quotes

Some of the finest quotes from the Honorable Marion Barry:

• "The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather."
• "I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."
• "If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate."
• "First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."
• "I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."
• "The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist."
• "I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria, or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?"
• "People have criticized me because my security detail is larger than the president's. But you must ask yourself: are there more people who want to kill me than who want to kill the president? I can assure you there are."
• "The brave men who died in Vietnam, more than 100% of which were black, were the ultimate sacrifice."
• "I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican."
• "What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?"
• "People blame me because these water mains break, but I ask you, if the water mains didn't break, would it be my responsibility to fix them then? WOULD IT!?!"
• "I am a great mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am an intelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a humble man."

Strange United States Laws

From the book "Loony Laws" by Robert Pelton.
Ottumwa, Iowa: "It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unaquainted."
Los Angeles: you cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.
Zion, Ill.: it is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animals kept as pets.
Carmel, N.Y., a man can't go outside while wearing a jacket and pants that do not match.
Clawson, Mich., there is a law that makes it LEGAL for a farmer to sleep with his pigs, cows, horses, goats, and chickens.
Gary, Ind., persons are prohibited from attending a movie house or other theater and from riding a public streetcar within four hours of eating garlic.
Miami, it's illegal for men to be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
St. Louis, MO: it's illegal to sit on the curb of any city street and drink beer from a bucket.
Detroit, MI: couples are banned from making love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple's own property.
Hartford, Conn., you aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands.
Michigan: a woman isn't allowed to cut her own hair without her husband's permission.
Baltimore, MD: it's illegal to throw bales of hay from a second-story window within the city limits. It's also illegal to take a lion to the movies.
Oxford, Ohio: it's illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man's picture. 
Nicholas County, W. Va., no member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during a church service. 
California: animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.
Pennsylvania: "any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue."
Carrizozo, N.M., it's forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public (includes legs and face).
Los Angeles: a man is legally entitled to beat his wife with a leather belt or strap, but the belt can't be wider than 2 inches, unless he has his wife's consent to beat her with a wider strap.
Kentucky: "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club"
An amendment to the above legislation: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses."