Rodney Dangerfield Top One-Liners!

- A girl called me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over and nobody was home.
- During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
- I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
- My father carries around the picture of the kid that came with his wallet.
- I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
- Once when I was lost I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "do you think we'll ever find them? He said, "I don't know kid, there are so many places they can hide.

Filing Fine

Just been to the new taxidermist restaurant.
Stuffed now.

Famous Uses of the F Word

• What the fuck was that? The Mayor of Hiroshima
• Look at all these fucking Indians. General Custer
• Full speed ahead and fuck the icebergs! Captain of the Titanic
• That's not a fucking real gun. John Lennon
• The fucking throttle's stuck. Donald Campbell
• Who's going to fucking know? President Nixon
• Heads are going to fucking roll. Henry VIII
• Watch him, he'll have some fucker's eye out. King Harold
• Scattered showers my fucking ass. Noah
• Where the fuck have you been? Stanley to Livingston
• Can you smell fucking gas? Captain of the Hindenburg
• Fuck you Brutus! Julius Caeser