Budget Crisis

An elderly couple were flat broke. They didn’t have a single dime and all options were exhausted. They decided that she had to sell herself on the street, so she went out for a day of prostitution. That evening, she came back and put 20 dollars and 10 cents on the table.
Old Man: What the hell! Who paid 10 cents?
Old Lady: Everybody

Tombstone

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: "Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin." Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told these men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote: "Returned un-opened."

Geriatric Gynecologist

Q:  What do you call a geriatric gynecologist?
A:  A spreader of old wives' tales!