Fired From Bank Job

Lem: ''I got fired from my job as a bank guard.'' Clem: ''That's awful. What happened?'' Lem: ''Well a thief came in to rob a bank. I drew my gun. I told him that if he took one more step, I'd let him have it.'' Clem: ''What did thief do then?'' Lem: ''He took one more step so I let him have it. I didn't want that stupid gun anyhow!''

Courtroom Chaos

A man accused of robbing a bank was tried for the final time and was found guilty. Just before he was taken away, the man looked the judge in the eye and said, "Would it be okay if I called you a son of a bitch?" The judge's face went red and he roared, "It most certainly would not! I'd add another two years onto your sentence!" The defendant nodded and then asked, "Would it be okay if I THOUGHT you were a son of a bitch?" The judge was becoming very annoyed but replied, "Yes, I suppose that would be okay. I obviously have no control over your thoughts." The defendant smiled and said, "Well, in that case, judge, I think you are a son of a bitch!"

Yuppie Ransom Note

A Yuppie was sent a ransom note saying that he was to bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of the country club at 10 o'clock the next day if he ever wanted to see his wife alive again. He didn't arrive until almost 12:30. A masked man stepped out from behind some bushes and growled, "What took ya so long? You're over two hours late." "Hey! Give me a break," whined the Yuppie. "I have a 27 handicap."