Angry Strawberries

Q: Why were the strawberries angry?
A: Because their parents were put into a jam bottle.

You Might Be A Redneck 39

You might be a redneck if...

• One of the options on your truck is a spitoon.
• The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
• You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
• You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
• You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
• Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
• You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
• You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
• Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this."
• You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'

Answering Machine - Frere Jacques

Whole family crowds around, including screaming babies and noisy pets; to the tune of "Frere Jacques":  We're not here now, We're not here now, Don't hang up, Don't hang up, Leave your name and number, Leave your name and number, We'll call back, We'll call back.