Cheap Gift Insult
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Piece of Ass
You are so ugly, the last time you got a piece of ass was when your hand slipped through the toilet paper.
The Way You Say It
On a blind date, the boy said to the girl: "Time stands still when I look into your eyes." The girl was very flattered. What the boy had really meant was, "You have a face that would stop a clock."
Someone stopped me today and asked me for directions to the nearest cosmetic surgeon. I gave them detailed instructions on how to get there, then they turned round and said "Well if you know the way, why haven't you been there you ugly bastard?"
Haunted House Position
I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.