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The best jokes and joke writers!

Looking For Jean Paul

Two Poles, Markowski and Krachevski go to France on a pleasure trip. They meet this Frenchman called Jean Paul and become good pals. Jean Paul finds these two Poles some-what amusing and so he goes all out to make them happy. He treats them at pubs and bars. This goes on for a while until one fine day Jean Paul does not turn up. The Poles assume that some important work would have held him up and do not take a serious note of it. But, perhaps something was serious as Jean Paul does not turn up for next five days. At this, the Poles get alarmed and go to the police station to lodge a report. The inspector asks them to give details of the person who's missing. The conversation follows:

Markowski: Well, his name is Jean Paul.

Inspector: It's a very common name in France. Something more please.

Krachevski: Well, he is very tall.

Inspector: Most of the people in France are tall. Big deal.

Markowski: Well, he's got blue eyes.

Inspector: Oh! no. Something more substantial.

Krachevski: I got it. This is slightly uncommon. I'm sure now you shall be able to track him. You see, He's got two holes in his ass.

Inspector: (shocked): Well, well, that's curious. Are you sure?

Krachevski: Ya! Ya!

Inspector: Are you definitely sure that this very personal info you have is CORRECT?

Krachevski: Most certainly.

Inspector (still skeptical): But how're you so sure?

Krachevski: Simple. Whenever we used to go with him to the bar, everyone used to greet him as "Here comes Jean Paul with the two ass-holes!"

Teaching Moment

A man is driving his five-year-old to a friend’s house when another car races in front and cuts them off, nearly causing an accident. “Douche bag!” the father yells. A moment later he realizes the indiscretion, pulls over, and turns to face his son. “Your daddy just said a bad word,” he says. “I was angry at that driver, but that was no excuse for what I said. It was wrong. But just because I said it doesn’t make it right, and I don’t ever want to hear you saying it. Is that clear?” His son looks at him and says: “Too late, douche bag.”

Stupid Questions

Below are questions that people "actually asked" of Park Rangers around the country, proving once again that there is no known limit to the depths of human stupidity:

 

Grand Canyon National Park...

Was this man-made?

Do you light it up at night?

I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom -- where is it?

So where are the faces of the presidents?

 

Everglades National Park...

Are the alligators real?

Are the baby alligators for sale?

Where are all the rides?

What time does the two o'clock bus leave?

 

Denali National Park (Alaska)...

What time do you feed the bears?

Can you show me where the yeti lives?

How often do you mow the tundra?

How much does Mount McKinley weigh?

 

Mesa Verde National Park...

Did people build this, or did Indians?

Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?

What did they worship in the kivas -- their own made-up religion?

Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?

Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado?

 

Carlsbad Caverns National Park...

How much of the cave is underground?

So what's in the unexplored part of the cave?

Does it ever rain in here?

How many Ping-Pong balls would it take to fill this up?

So what is this -- just a hole in the ground?

 

Yosemite National Park...

Where are the cages for the animals?

What time do you turn on Yosemite Falls?

Can I get my picture taken with the carving of President Clinton?

 

Yellowstone National Park...

Does Old Faithful erupt at night?

How do you turn it on?

When does the guy who turns it on get to sleep?

We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits?

Tee Time!

A golfer was addressing his ball, getting ready to shoot. Just as he was about ready to hit, a voice came over the PA system, "Will the gentleman on the lady's tee please move back to the men's tee". He looked up, looked back down and then resumed addressing the ball again. The Voice again - "Will the Man on the Red tees please move back to the White Tees?!" He looked back at the starters shack and yelled, "Will the idiot on the PA shut up so that the man on the lady's tee can hit his second shot"!

A College Graduate

A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate." the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I'll show you how."