No Ghost

People say my house is haunted, but I haven't seen a single ghost in the 900 years I've lived here.

Tap Tap Tap

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tap noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. "Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?" "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

Sleepy Elf

Q: Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A: He wanted to sleep like a log.