The Police Officer's Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the substation, Not a deputy stirred, they were all on vacation. The stockings were hung on the wall with great care, Next to some T-shirts and old underwear. I was working the night shift compiling stats, Answering the phone, and feeding the rat. When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter, I leapt from my desk to see what was the matter! I opened the door with a creak and a crick,  And saw a jolly red fat man I knew must be St. Nick. I had seen his picture a time or two,  He was wanted:  Article 27 - Section 342. I threw open the door and commanded him "Freeze!"  "Put your hands on you head and get down on your knees." But he turned and he ran,up the chimney he flew, With me in pursuit, toward Booth St. I knew. When we got to the roof Santa made for his sleigh, Throwing down toys and blocking my way. As I got to the peak, he threw down some crack, I slipped and I fell landing flat on my back. To my front I was faced with a toy M-1 tank, And Pink Power Rangers covering my flank. "On Dasher, on Dancer!", he cried loud and clear.  Then I got off three rounds and dropped the lead deer. And I heard Santa say as he sailed into the blue, "Merry Christmas to all!  My Lawyers will sue!"

Trick or Treat

I never actually grapsed the whole "Trick or treat" ultimatum. Giving candy to grateful, adorable children or receiving a bag of flaming animal excrement on your doorstep. Is that even a choice?

Turkey Football

The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field.  While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout.  Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line.  When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, "You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus."  "Forget the bonus," the turkey said, "All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?"