Halloween Costume Party

On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad and stormed out of the room. Fifteen minutes later she came back completely naked except for a lemon between her legs. The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed out of the room himself. Twenty minutes passed and then he came back himself with a potato around his dick. The wife gave him a weird look and then the husband replied "If your going as a sour-puss, I going as a dictator".

Insulting at Christmas

How to be Insulting at Christmas: Refuse to give any guests a drink, on the grounds that it's for their own good not to drink and drive. Have plenty of soft drinks to offer them though. Then pour yourself a large Scotch, on the grounds that you aren't going anywhere and don't have to worry.

Reindeer In A Bar

One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a deer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer's hoof. As he handed the reindeer some coins in change, he said, "You know, I think you're the first reindeer I've ever seen in here." The reindeer looked hard at the hoof-full of change and said, "Hmmmp. Let me tell you something, buddy. At these prices, I'm the last reindeer you'll see in here."