Flying Near Athens

As the plane was flying low over some hills near Athens, a lady asked the stewardess: "What's that stuff on those hills?" "Just snow," replied the stewardess. "That's what I thought," said the lady, "but this fellow in front of me said it was Greece."

Don't Look at Me

I had to go next door and watch my neighbor’s cat while he was away. Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of pee on his kitchen floor . Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.

Monty Python Answering Machine

English accent: Hello, you've reached the phone of Monty Python. I can't come to the phone right now because the witch has turned me into a newt! I'll call you back when I get better.