Tyson Burger

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Singing Telegram

It was the morning of Ralph's birthday and there was a knock on the door. "Telegram!" Filled with excitement, Ralph opened the door and asked the messenger boy standing before him, "Is it a singing telegram?" "No Sir. We don't do singing telegrams anymore," the messenger replied. "Oh, but I've always wanted to receive a singing telegram," a disappointed Ralph moaned. "Couldn't you just bend the rules a little and make an old man happy?" "I'm sorry, sir," replied the messenger. "Please," Ralph pleaded, "after all, today is my birthday." "Alright, sir, if you insist," the messenger said. "Dah-dah dah...dah-dah-dah, your sister Rose is dead!".

Herder On Trial

The strident prosecutor begins: ''Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the State will prove that this defendant did in fact discard his breeches and insert his member into the innocent sheep; that he did ejaculate into said sheep and remove his member, whereupon this sheep turned around and licked his member clean.'' Then one member of the jury turned and whispered to the other juror and said, ''The good ones will do that you know."