10 Bumper Stickers

1. Ambivalent? Well yes and no....
2. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
3. Is it time for your medication or mine?
4. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck
5. How do I set the laser printer to stun?
6. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert....
7. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
8. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
9. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
10. And your crybaby, whiny opinion would be ... ? 

Hitch-Hiking Frog

Q: What do you say to a hitchhiking frog?
A: Hop in!

Career Change

"Son, I don't think you're cut out to be a mime." 
"Was it something I said?" Asks the son.