Shave

My wife asked when we were going out. "After a shave," I told her. "You shaved this morning" she said. "Yeah," I replied "I wasn't talking about me"

Wishes Granted

An old woman is sitting in a rocking chair on her porch, petting her cat Foo Foo. A fairy appears and says, "I'm here to grant you three wishes." The old woman says, "I wish I was twenty years old and beautiful again." Poof! She is. "Now I wish I had a million dollars and this old house was a mansion." Poof! Done. "And now I wish that Foo Foo was the handsomest man ever and deeply in love with me." Poof! Suddenly she's in the arms of a gorgeous man. He kisses her and says, "Darling, aren't you sorry you had me fixed?"

Wore Out

Life is like fighting a gorilla, you don't stop when you get tired, you stop when the gorilla does.