Constipation

One day a kid asked his friend if he'd seen the movie ''constipation?'' His friend replied "no". ''yeah...'' he said ''it never came out.

Man And Pig

Q: What's the difference between a man and a pig?
A: You mean there IS a difference?

Products We Could Do Without

• Fingernail Clippers: That's why we have teeth.
• Makeup That is Tattooed On: You might love that green eyeliner now, but what about when you're fifty?
• Colored Elastics For Braces: As if the braces didn't make your mouth stand out enough.
• Inflatable Furniture: Nothing boosts the ego more than sitting on a couch and popping it.
• Crayons That Smell: Oh, good, let's give kids another reason to eat them.
• Fake Eyelashes:  You shouldn't be able to braid your eyelashes.
• The Epilady:  Pulling hair out by the roots is masochistic.
• Those Crocheted Kleenex Box Covers: Kleenex does not get chilly.
• Rubber Clothing: Because you shouldn't bounce if you fall down the stairs.
• Doggie Sweaters: Fido is not Mr. Rogers, nor does he want to be Mr. Rogers.
• Thong underwear: Nothing leads to insanity faster than a perpetual wedgie.