Funny Thoughts

Holiday Nuts

Think I may be getting a vasectomy for Christmas. Just overheard my girlfriend tell her mom she was taking me to see the nutcracker.

Copyright © 2014 - Kiel Phillips - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Written By: KielPhillips

The Bar Exam

Once upon a time there was a 98-year old woman whose billionaire husband died. The woman had inherited all of her deceased husband's fortune and decided she would see if she could remarry herself a fine young man. So, she walked into a bar and announced to all the men that she had inherited billions of dollars and would marry the guy with the biggest dick. Now of course this woman wasn't all that in the looks department, as a matter of fact she looked more like a shriveled prune then a human being, however, the guys didn't care. They knew this old lady would croak soon and they would get all that money. The woman then told the men to stiff themselves up to full erection and lay their dicks on a long table. They did what she said. All of a sudden, two gay guys walked into the bar, looked at the table and said "Mmmm! A buffet!"

Anonymous

Non Believer

I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.

Anonymous