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The best jokes and joke writers!

Real News Headlines - 2

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

  • Stud Tires Out
  • Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
  • Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
  • Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
  • British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
  • Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
  • Eye Drops off Shelf
  • Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
  • Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead 

News Headlines

 Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees.

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.

New Vaccine May Contain Rabies.

Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing.

Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing.

Air Head Fired Steals Clock, Faces.

Time Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff.

Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni.

Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board.

Real Headlines

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

Include your Children when Baking Cookies.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says.
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers.
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted.
Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case.
Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents.
Farmer Bill Dies in House.
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms.
Is There a Ring of Debris Around Uranus?

Actual News Headlines

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

March Planned For Next August.

Blind Bishop Appointed To See.

Lingerie Shipment Hijacked--Thief Gives Police The Slip.

L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide.

Patient At Death's Door--Doctors Pull Him Through.

Latin Course To Be Canceled--No Interest Among Students, Et Al.

Diaper Market Bottoms Out.

Croupiers On Strike--Management: "No Big Deal"

Stadium Air Conditioning Fails--Fans Protest.

Real News Headlines 13

Here are a few genuine news bloopers gleaned from American newspapers.

These were taken from an article by Richard Lederer, author of "Anguished English".

On behalf of Barbara Rutledge and her family, our sincere thanks go out to those sending flowers, cards and contributing to the death of her husband.

The airplane was only a few feet from the ground when it crashed, witnesses said.

With the exception of victimless crimes (which need not concern us here), every single crime committed in this nation of ours involves a victim.

A purple lady's bicycle was missing from Serendipity Lane recently.

Chairman Billings asked Board members to muster support from parent-teacher groups to support the governor's task force on driving while intoxicated.

He hasn't even had his day in court yet, but Simon Wynne has been kicked off the ESU basketball team after being arrested and accused of driving a parked car while intoxicated.

Montreal police don't hesitate to use whatever laws, regulations or persuasion they feel they need to control morality in the city and prevent it from getting a foothold.

A college friendship that began a year ago ended in matrimony yesterday.