Real News Headlines

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

• Bible Church's focus is the Bible.
• Saint Augustine Record, Florida, December 3, 1994 Clinton pledges restraint in use of nuclear weapons.
• Cedar Rapids Gazette, April 6 Discoveries: Older blacks have edge in longevity.
• The Chicago Tribune, March 5 Court Rules Boxer Shorts Are Indeed Underwear.
• Journal of Commerce, April 20 Biting nails can be sign of tenseness in a person.
• The Daily Gazette of Schenectady, New York, May 2 Lack of brains hinders research.
• The Columbus Dispatch, April 16 How we feel about ourselves is the core of self-esteem, says author Louise Hart.
• Boulder, Colorado, Sunday Camera, February 5 Fish lurk in streams.
• Rochester, New York, Democrat + Chronicle, January 29.

Real News Headlines

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country:

• Whatever Their Motives, Moms Who Kill Kids Still Shock Us (Holland Sentinal, date unknown) 
• Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut (The New York Times, November 22) 
• Larger Kangaroos Leap Farther, Researchers Find (The Los Angeles Times, November 2)
• 'Light' meals are lower in fat, calories (Huntington Herald-Dispatch, November 30)
• Alcohol ads promote drinking (The Hartford Courant, November 18)
• Malls try to attract shoppers (The Baltimore Sun, October 22)
• Official: Only rain will cure drought (The Herald-News. Westpost, Massachusetts)
• Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men (The Sunday Oregonian, September 24)
• Low Wages Said Key to Poverty (Newsday, July 11)

Sleep Deprivation Research in Sherrill NY

In the sleepy city of Sherrill, N.Y., two unsuspecting adults have found themselves the objects of sleep deprivation research.  James Harden is currently in his tenth month of his study. His subjects, Debbie and Dennis Harden, have tried to foil his research to no avail. "Ferber" has failed and so has "The Family Bed."  
Young James conducts his studies by awakening in the wee hours of the morning, standing up in his crib, and screaming at the top of his lungs. Sometimes, a backrub from Mom will put him back to sleep; but at other times, it takes the formula ritual. Sometimes James is actually hungry but most of the time he just wants to check how his research is going.  Just how far has he gone? Last week, James woke up too early; his parents were still up watching David Letterman. Dennis looked at his lovely wife and said, "I can't take this. I'm going to bed."  Debbie responded, "If you do that, I will kill you in your sleep." Dennis went to get the baby.
Any non-Ferber advice or even sympathetic anecdotes are being requested by these strung-out parents. All other babies James age in this area actually sleep through the night and have done so since they were 2 days old. Or their parents are outright liars!