Ads & Newspapers

Top George Bush Slogans

• I'll turn capital punishment into a new game show!
• I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time.
• I'll finish what Bill started -- the interns.
• Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right?
• Vote for the GOP, Not OPP.
• I promise no sex scandal: just look at me.
• New penal plan: I won't use mine!
• Read my lips: Al Gore Sucks.
• George W. Bush: No hang-ups. Just hangovers
• Vote for Bush and against Common Sense. 

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country: 

Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters

Women's Movement Called More Broad-Based

Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

A normally sweet Great Dane named Monster has one quirk: she hates United Parcel Service drivers. While walking Monster one day, around the corner of a house came a UPS man. Struggling to keep hold of Monster, the owner tried to ease the situation said, "As you can see, she just loves UPS men." "Don't you feed her anything else?" he responded.

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

• At my University's Student center Bathrooms: "If you see four feet instead of two under the bathroom door, please notify it immediately to the University Police."
• In the hallway of a High School in New Jersey "Our School: Commitment, Responsibility, Attitude, Persistance."
• Road sign in Roosevelt, Utah: "Rest Area Next Right" - the next right leads a person right into to a cemetery.
• A sign in the local opportunity shop says, "If your going to steal, then smile for the camera."
• While stopped at an intersection I noticed a man standing on the corner in front of a Burger King. He was holding a sign that read "Will work for food." If he had only looked up, he would have noticed that the Burger King sign directly above him read "Now hiring."
• At an office: "This job is only a test had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, bonuses and promotions."
• Seen on a billboard along a highway: "Caution: Objects in the mirror may have flunked drivers education."

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

"The effects are fleeting and lingering..." - Overheard in a hallway

"In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted." - CBS reporter during the solar eclipse

"A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across." - Announcer on KZOK radio

"He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that's a mouthful!" - CBS baseball announcer

"An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement." - Irish Politician on RTE radio

"This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation." - BBC world service.

"We have two incredibly credible witnesses here." - Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA)

"He's going to step down 'til he's back on his feet." - Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart's latest sex scandal