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The best jokes and joke writers!

Bumper Sticker Lines

  • Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
  • Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
  • Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
  • Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
  • Adults are just kids who owe money.
  • Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
  • I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
  • You! Off my planet! 
  • Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  • I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that? 

Louvre in Dire Straits

Due to the flooding from the Seine River, The Louvre museum in Paris is scrambling to donate French Impressionist and Eastern European artwork to any museum that can keep them dry.

Museums that have agreed to take the artwork are very excited since they're getting Monet for nothing and Czechs for free.

UPS Love

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

A normally sweet Great Dane named Monster has one quirk: she hates United Parcel Service drivers. While walking Monster one day, around the corner of a house came a UPS man. Struggling to keep hold of Monster, the owner tried to ease the situation said, "As you can see, she just loves UPS men." "Don't you feed her anything else?" he responded.

Signs and Notices 21

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

  • At my University's Student center Bathrooms: "If you see four feet instead of two under the bathroom door, please notify it immediately to the University Police."
  • In the hallway of a High School in New Jersey "Our School: Commitment, Responsibility, Attitude, Persistance."
  • Road sign in Roosevelt, Utah: "Rest Area Next Right" - the next right leads a person right into to a cemetery.
  • A sign in the local opportunity shop says, "If your going to steal, then smile for the camera."
  • While stopped at an intersection I noticed a man standing on the corner in front of a Burger King. He was holding a sign that read "Will work for food." If he had only looked up, he would have noticed that the Burger King sign directly above him read "Now hiring."
  • At an office: "This job is only a test had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, bonuses and promotions."
  • Seen on a billboard along a highway: "Caution: Objects in the mirror may have flunked drivers education."

Quote of the Stupid

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

"The effects are fleeting and lingering..." - Overheard in a hallway

"In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted." - CBS reporter during the solar eclipse

"A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across." - Announcer on KZOK radio

"He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and that's a mouthful!" - CBS baseball announcer

"An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement." - Irish Politician on RTE radio

"This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation." - BBC world service.

"We have two incredibly credible witnesses here." - Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA)

"He's going to step down 'til he's back on his feet." - Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggart's latest sex scandal