Ads & Newspapers

• Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
• Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
• Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
• Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
• Adults are just kids who owe money.
• Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
• I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
• You! Off my planet! 
• Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that? 

Top George Bush Slogans

• I'll turn capital punishment into a new game show!
• I promise to get cocaine off our streets: 1 kilo at a time.
• I'll finish what Bill started -- the interns.
• Like father, like son. You liked my dad, right?
• Vote for the GOP, Not OPP.
• I promise no sex scandal: just look at me.
• New penal plan: I won't use mine!
• Read my lips: Al Gore Sucks.
• George W. Bush: No hang-ups. Just hangovers
• Vote for Bush and against Common Sense. 

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country: 

Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped

Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters

Women's Movement Called More Broad-Based

Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.

A normally sweet Great Dane named Monster has one quirk: she hates United Parcel Service drivers. While walking Monster one day, around the corner of a house came a UPS man. Struggling to keep hold of Monster, the owner tried to ease the situation said, "As you can see, she just loves UPS men." "Don't you feed her anything else?" he responded.

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

• At my University's Student center Bathrooms: "If you see four feet instead of two under the bathroom door, please notify it immediately to the University Police."
• In the hallway of a High School in New Jersey "Our School: Commitment, Responsibility, Attitude, Persistance."
• Road sign in Roosevelt, Utah: "Rest Area Next Right" - the next right leads a person right into to a cemetery.
• A sign in the local opportunity shop says, "If your going to steal, then smile for the camera."
• While stopped at an intersection I noticed a man standing on the corner in front of a Burger King. He was holding a sign that read "Will work for food." If he had only looked up, he would have noticed that the Burger King sign directly above him read "Now hiring."
• At an office: "This job is only a test had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, bonuses and promotions."
• Seen on a billboard along a highway: "Caution: Objects in the mirror may have flunked drivers education."