Signs and Notices 05

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

• Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."
• In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"
• In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."
• In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."
• In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
• On a roller coaster: "Watch your head."
• On the grounds of a public school: "No trespassing without permission."
• On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
• In front of a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."

Twins

Headline in today's newspaper:  "Suicidal Twin kills sister by mistake"!

Classified Error

• (Monday) FOR SALE - R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 555-0707 after 7 p.m. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.
• (Tuesday) NOTICE - We regret having erred in R. D. Jone's ad yesterday. It should have read: One sewing machine for sale. Cheap: 555-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him after 7 p.m.
• (Wednesday) NOTICE - R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in his classified ad yesterday. His ad stands corrected as follows: FOR SALE - R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 and ask Mrs. Kelly who loves with him.
• (Thursday) NOTICE - I, R. D. Jones, have NO sewing machine for sale. I SMASHED IT. Don't call 555-0707, as the telephone has been disconnected. I have NOT been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper, but she quit."