Jokes about Families - Sister Jokes

Sibling Stories

From Matt Groening's Big Book Of Hell, here are "Lies My Older Brother And Sister Told Me."
 
The Sleeping Alligator Story

Older Bro/Sis: See this? He isn't stuffed, ya know. He's sleeping.
You: Really?
Bro/Sis: If you don't believe me, why don't you put your finger in his mouth?
 
The Boy-Trap Warning

Bro/Sis: Inside my closet, there's a little door, and behind that little door, there's a boogey-man, and he's set traps in there, little boy traps.
You: Really?
Bro/Sis: And they're baited with CUSTARD.
You: Uh-oh.
 
The Alphabet Trick

Bro/Sis: You can come up in the tree fort if you can recite the whole alphabet. You: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y and Z.
Bro/Sis: Wrong. Scram.
 
The Yes-And-No Mind Puzzler

Bro/Sis: Yes means no and no means yes. Do you want me to hit you?
You: Yes! No! Yes! No! Help!
 
The Lure Of New Toys

Bro/Sis: There's some new toys for you down in the basement. You should go down there.
You: But last time you shut the door and turned off the lights.
Bro/Sis: This time we won't.
 
The Snowflake Story

Bro/Sis: Well I'll be!! Identical snowflakes!!
You: Lemme see!! Lemme see!!
Bro/Sis: Too late. They melted.
 
The Movie Switcheroo

You: Hey!! This isn't Bambi!!
Bro/Sis: This's better'n Bambi.
 
The Elf

Bro/Sis: I'd like you to meet
Tom. You: I don't see anybody.
Bro/Sis: Tom's invisible.
You: Oh sure.
Bro/Sis: He's an elf. If you're nice to him, he'll give you three wishes.
You: Hi, Tom.
 
The family reunion, twenty years later...

Bro/Sis: I don't remember doing any of that stuff to you.
Other Bro/Sis: Me neither.

Categories: Jokes about Families (Brother Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Sister Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Tree of Life

A young girl sees her father in the shower and asks what his testicles are. "Those are the Apples of the Tree of Life," he tells her, by way of poetic concealment. She tells this to her mother, who replies, "Did he say anything about that dead branch they're hanging on?"

Categories: Funny Thoughts , Sex Jokes (Private Parts) , Jokes about Families (Father Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Sister Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Mother Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Duck Heaven

Once upon a time there was three sisters that went to duck heaven. St. Patrick welcomed them and said, "We are happy to have you here in Duck Heaven, but I warn you if you step on a duck in Duck Heaven you will be chained to the ugliest man on Earth!" So, the three girls were really careful where they stepped. After a week the first girl stepped on a duck... so, she was chained to the ugliest man on Earth! After a month the second sister stepped on a duck... so, she was chained to the second ugliest man on the Earth! After a year in Duck Heaven the third sister never ever stepped on a duck so St. Patrick said, "You have been very good here in Duck Heaven so we have a treat for you!" So, she was chained to the most handsome and perfect man on the Earth! "What did I do to deserve you?" she asked the man. "Well I don't know about you lady," replied the man. "But I stepped on a duck!!!"

Categories: Animal Jokes (Duck Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Sister Jokes) , Religion Jokes (Heaven Jokes) , Appearance Jokes (Ugly Jokes)
Anonymous