Jokes about Families - Others

1. The later you stay up, the earlier your child will wake up the next morning.
2. For a child to become clean, something else must become dirty.
3. Toys multiply to fill any space available.
4. The longer it takes you to make a meal, the less your child will like it.
5. Yours is always the only child who doesn't behave.
6. If the shoe fits.. it's expensive.
7. The surest way to get something done is to tell a child not to do it.
8. The gooier the food, the more likely it is to end up on the carpet.
9. Backing the car out of the driveway causes your child to have to go to the bathroom.
10. The more challenging the child, the more rewarding it is to be a parent.. sometimes.

On the day of her wedding to Prince Edward, Sophie gets dressed and realizes that she forgot her shoes. Panic sets in until her sister loans her another pair of shoes. Unfortunately they are a bit too small and at the end of the night Sophie's feet are in agony. The rest of the Royal Family crowds around the door to the bedroom and they hear grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually, they hear Edward say, "God, that was tight." "There," whispers the Queen to the Duke, "I told you she was a virgin." Then, to their surprise, they hear Edward say, "Right. Now for the other one." Followed by more grunting and, "My God. That was even tighter." "That's my boy," says the Duke. "Once a sailor, always a sailor."

Ever notice that the laws of household physics are every bit as real as every other law in the universe? Here are a few examples:

1. A child's eagerness to assist in any project varies in inverse proportion to the ability to actually do the work involved.
2. Leftovers always expand to fill all available containers plus one.
3. A newly washed window gathers dirt at double the speed of an unwashed window.
4. The availability of a ballpoint pen is inversely proportional to how badly it is needed.
5. The same clutter that will fill a one-car garage will fill a two-car garage.
6. Three children plus two cookies equals a fight.
7. The potential for disaster is in direct proportion to the number of TV remote controls divided by the number of viewers.
8. The number of doors left open varies inversely with the outdoor temperature.
9. The capacity of any hot water heater is equal to one and one-half sibling showers.
10. What goes up must come down, except for bubble gum, kites and slightly used Rice Krispies.
11. Place two children in a room full of toys and they will both want to play with the same toy.

1. Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.

2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

3. Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

4. The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere... and let the air out of their tires.

5. Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.

6. Middle age is when you choose cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

7. The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

8. If you can remain calm, you don't have all the facts.

9. Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day.

10.You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

If you die and get cremated, you can be put into an hourglass and still be included in family game night