Family Fractions

Like many men, as I get older I am beginning to lose my hair.  My children remind me of this reality from time to time, they and sometimes enjoy pointing it out to others. When my son was studying fractions in his second-grade class, one of his assignments was to use fractions in sentences.  His teacher sent his work home for me and my wife to see.  The sentences read:  "2/4 of my family are girls.  2/4 of my family are boys.  1/4 of my family is bald."

Christmas Eve Cookie Dough

Every year, Grandma and her grandkids, Suzy, Jill, and Billy come stay with her over Christmas. And every Christmas Eve they would make a big bowl of cookie dough so they could make cookies on Christmas Day. And every time, the next morning the cookie dough would be gone. The grandma could never catch them, so this year she put metal bb's in the cookie dough. The next morning, the cookie dough was gone and soon Billy came running downstairs. ''Grandma something terrible has happened, I was jerking off in the garage and I shot the cat!''

Is That a Record?

A woman meant to call a record store but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead.
"Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme'?" she asked.
"Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children."
"Is that a record?" she inquired.
"I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."