Jokes about Families - Mother Jokes

A preschool teacher thought it would be interesting for her students to learn to identify different names for the various kinds of meats. One day, she cooked up several different meats and labeled them. As each student took a bite they were asked to identify the animal. Little Sherry took a bite of the meat labeled beef and correctly said that it came from a cow. Tommy took a bite of pork and also correctly identified the meat as coming from a pig. The last meat was labeled venison. The children chewed and chewed and after numerous incorrect guesses the teacher attempted to give them a hint "what does your mommy call your daddy when he comes home from work at night" she asked? All of a sudden little Joey jumped up from the back of the classroom and yelled "Jesus Christ! Spit it out, it's Asshole"!

Q: What do you call it when your water breaks and you can't get ahold of the midwife?

A: A midwife crisis.

"Mommy, mommy! What's a nymphomaniac?"

"Shut up and help me get grandma off the doorknob!"

A wise man once said that having children is hereditary. Which is tantamount to saying: If your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't either.

The housewife answered the phone and listened with relief to the voice in her ear. "How are you, dear? What kind of day are you having?" "Oh, Mom, the baby won't eat; the washing machine is broken; I haven't been able to get out of the house to shop; I twisted my ankle and have been hobbling around all day. On top of that, the house is a mess and we're supposed to have some friends over for dinner tonight." "Now dear, just stay calm. Sit down, relax, and I'll be over in 30 minutes. I'll do the shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you... I'll take care of the baby when I get there and call a repairman I know who will get the washing machine fixed. In fact, I'll call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George? Who's George?" "Why, that's your husband, dear." "Mom, my husband is Jim." "Is this 234-5678?" "Uh, no, it's not. I think you have a wrong number." The housewife paused. "Uhhh, does this mean you're not coming over?"