Jokes about Families - Man Criticizes Woman

My Foot

|After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!" Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony bird! The shelf!" Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds. "Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home. When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey!" she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!" The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony Bird, my foot!"

Categories: Animal Jokes (Bird Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Woman Criticizes Man) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Man Criticizes Woman)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Observations of Women

Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult:
Charlotte Whitton: "Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone."
Lenny Bruce: "I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine."
Mel Gibson: "I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against."
David Niven: "One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money."
Edgar Watson: "Howe Brigands demand your money or your life, women require both."

Categories: One-Liner Jokes , Relationship Jokes (Woman Criticizes Man) , Relationship Jokes (Man Criticizes Woman)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Teeth

A young boy caught sight of his mother changing one day, and asked her what that was that she had between her legs. "That is something you're never going to talk about again. And you shouldn't touch it either, because it has teeth." Many years went by, and the boy never touched any girl in between her legs, because he was very scared. One day, however, he met the love of his life and, in time, they got married. On their wedding night, his wife asked him to touch her there. "No," he said, "it's got teeth." "Silly goose!" she said. She spread her legs wide for him to see. "See? No teeth!" "Well, I'm not surprised," the man said. "Not with gums like that."

Categories: Sex Jokes (Private Parts) , Relationship Jokes (Man Criticizes Woman) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes) , Funny Thoughts , Jokes about Families (Son Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Mother Jokes)
Anonymous