Jokes about Families - Father Jokes

This brother was banging his sister, and he says, "You f*ck like Mom," and she laughs. He says, "What?" She says, "That's what Dad said."

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind," replied Tommy.

Q: What did the father say to his blonde daughter?

A: ''If you're not in bed by 11, come home.''

An old man and his daughter go to the doctor for his monthly checkup. During examination, the doctor asks how his nightly incontinence is. "It's fine," says the old man. "I just get up and go to the bathroom, and God turns on the light for me." The doctor finishes up the examination, and then calls in the daughter to tell her about the God-light thing. "Oh, my God!" says the daughter. "He's been using the fridge again!"

"Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted," my dad told me. "Are you kidding? Really?" I shouted.

"Yup, get ready," he said. "They'll be picking you up in about an hour."