Jokes about Families - Daughter Jokes

Relatives Poem

Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter, who had red hair. My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law, and changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, for she was my father's wife.To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy, I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother to the widow's grown-up daughter. Who, of course, was my step-mother. Father's wife then had a son, who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, for he was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, she's my grandmother too. If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, it simply drives me wild. For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!

Categories: Jokes about Families (Grandfather Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Grandmother Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Mother-in-Law Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Daughter Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Uncle Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Father Jokes) , Funny Thoughts
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous

Country Marine

Farm kid writes letter home after joining Marines:
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.
I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting used to it, so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much.
We go on “route marches,” which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it’s not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don’t bother you none.
This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don’t move, and it ain’t shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain’t like fighting with that ole bull at home. I’m about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I’m only 5’6″ and 130 pounds and he’s 6’8″ and near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter,
Alice

Categories: Jokes about Families (Daughter Jokes) , Military Jokes (Marines Jokes) , Redneck Jokes
Anonymous

Missy in Heat

Angela went up to her mom and ask if she could take Missy for a walk. Her mom said no, that Missy was in heat. Angela asked,  "What is heat?" Mom said, "Go ask your Dad, he's outside working on the car." Angela goes outside and ask her Dad the same question. Dad says, "Go get the leash and bring her here." She goes and gets Missy and brings her back on a leash. Her Dad takes a grease rag and soaks it in Gasoline and swipes her bottom with it.  "Now you can take her around the block one time." Angela goes down the street and comes back with the leash and no Missy. Dad says "Where is Missy?"  Angela said,  "Missy ran out of gas and another dog pushed her down the street."

Categories: Animal Jokes (Dog Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Daughter Jokes) , Jokes about Families (Father Jokes)
Copyright © 2013 - All Rights Reserved - Used with Permission.
Anonymous